It is with extreme sadness that I report the disappearance and suspected death of Phineas Crumpt. The good captain was last spotted off the coast of Madagascar, shouting incoherently about Seagull poisoning. He hijacked a vessel and has not been spotted for over a week.
Being his cousin, I have taken over his correspondence and am currently settling his estate. Our hearts are with his wife Beatrice and Ozzie, Rebecca and little Zoe. Please see the attached newspaper clipping which I received on Sunday. - Philemon Crumpt
Tragic.... So tragic.
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